Where am I?

oh yea...back in Indiana

So readjusting after South Africa is proving to be harder than I originally thought. I'm finding myself still looking at pictures and videos from my trip (still working on my slideshow,etc) and ultimately trying to relive memories.

But when is it too much? It's been a month today since I got back and now I'm pushing the limit on how much people even want to hear about the trip. Do they still care? Should I move on? How do I move on....

I am in the process of applying for jobs and this is draining. I can honestly say that I've never been as crunched for time as I am now. I am in a position where God has to be in the plan because without HIM my world will literally fall apart.

Besides the basic necessity of needing a job to pay my rent amongst other bills, I am feeling bored with my time -- which used to sound appealing -- going all day with absolutely nothing to do -- but now -- it is stressful. I'm constantly thinking to myself - should I be doing something? - do I have a meeting today? and it's driving me crazy. I find that I'm getting more easily annoyed...and it's causing me to feel as if I made the wrong choice by staying in Bloomington. [Of course, this is not true because I do believe God wants me here but it's hard to remember that sometimes]

My life has been a blur and crazy since I left South Africa, and part of me believes I never broke up with South Africa...maybe I need to let go that my time there is gone so that I can move on to this next part of my life. I'm constantly thinking of where I want to go next [not that there is anything wrong with that] BUT it's distracting me from the NOW.... I have moments where I wish I would've stayed, which wouldn't have been God led but fear-driven because if I stayed then I wouldn't have to deal with the real life challenges I'm facing HERE AND NOW... I know that I can continue to pray for those people but my heart keeps drifting to more missions and reaching more people in areas of the world where the gospel is not being preached....this is tearing into my heart.....

[insert awkward transition phrase here] =)

Anyways, there is no way to appropriately end this blog, so this is all my rambling for right now - just thought I'd share a piece of my heart today as I continue to stay legit in my walk with Christ by keeping it real!

Love y'all!

-Rhemma-